Sunday, February 28, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Since you guys like Brooke Skye so much! XXX
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Monday, February 22, 2010
A ChatRoulette Love Story
A Chatroulette Love Story
I can’t remember who I was talking to before that. Probably a large group of Russian men in a house floor to ceiling with empty vodka bottles. Everything leading up to that point became meaningless, the black, infinite darkness before you come sliding out of the womb. I just remember her face. Elfin, pixie-ish, with shoulder length brown hair and one of those thin, perfect noses cosmetic surgeons just can’t emulate, no matter how hard they try. She looked into the camera and smiled, lighting up my world, and most incredibly, she didn’t hit F9.
Your partner is typing…
“Hey! What’s up?”
I fumbled for my keyboard, caught between a “not much, you,” or a “Hi! You’re incredibly attractive…” But then, tragedy. My browser hung. The small square containing the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen was now just a mocking, blank 320×240 pit of emptiness. I refreshed, my guts in my mouth, hoping against hope that our paths would connect again, hearts across the wi-fi, only to be confronted by a man having sex with a toilet seat.
That night, I lay awake, unable to get the image of that girl out of my head. In my freshly-beating heart, I knew it was meant to be. Was it really that crazy to fall in love with a smile? Nobody laughed at our Grandparents when they saw each other through the windows of a moving train and just knew they’d spend the rest of their lives together. There was no choice; I had to track her down, I had to find my soulmate, no matter how many more connects it took, and the tale of this would be our story, told hand in hand at weddings and parties for fifty years.
Dracula once told his beloved that he’d crossed oceans of time to be reunited with her. The jagged, thrashing waves of my ocean were proud between the legs of pixelly, headless men. Thick, sweaty horsecocks and stubby little nobs clasped between thumb and forefinger like rotten strawberries; my righteous path was strewn with enough penis for ten thousand lifetimes. I asked men dressed like Jesus and shirtless OAPs if they’d seen my girl, if they could only give me a clue to her whereabouts, or to let her know that I was looking for her, should they find themselves connected. Most just hit Next and moved on. Some laughed. Many started masturbating. One girl showed me her boobs, but I quickly hit F9, so’s not to cheat on my beloved. And then, following a close-up of a beltbuckle reading ‘DAD’ with big, swollen testicles poking out of the fly, there it was – that smile. The rush of blood to my head was so intense that I almost fainted onto the desk.
Your partner is typing…
“Hey! What’s up?”
Heart booming in my ears, I pasted my carefully pre-written text – a short summation of my quest complete with email address – into the chatbox, and slammed on the enter key. Sure, it was needy, maybe even stalkerish, but times like these you have to throw caution to the wind. Faint heart never won fair maiden.
Your partner is typing…
Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down,
Never gonna run around and desert you
…
One part of that was totally true. Can you guess which bit? And this link isn’t even worksafe if you work in a crackhouse. Click here to find out.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Fantasy #1 : 'Wait'...
If you know me – you probably shouldn’t read this post… You’ve been warned!
//*******
This is about a guy I barely know…
Sometimes I fantasize that he’s comes over to my place… when he opens the door I greet him wearing nothing but a mesh tank top and boy shorts. He looks down at me and smiles. I back up to allow him in and let him close the door behind him – which he does without taking his eyes off me.
‘Hi Daddy…’ I say to him with a little wink.
He throws off his hat and jacket and gently pushes me into the wall. He then picks me up, and wraps my legs around his waist and gently puts his weight on me. He feels so good… I’m face to face with him now. He puts both his hands on my ass and squeezes; and within 2 seconds my boy shorts are soaked. I know he must feel it on his stomach… he knows what he’s doing… and I like that.
He takes one hand and slides it from between my breasts, to my neck until it reaches my face. He then takes one of his fingers parts my lips and sticks it into my mouth… I start to lightly suck it. Then I grab his hand and suck all his fingers one by one. When I’m finished I take his hand and put it between my legs.
‘Wait…Put me down baby’ I ask him… He obliges.
I needed to be standing to give him access to my pussy. He pulls my panties to the side and starts to rub his fingers on my clit… He rubs it hard… He’s still looking down at me… but he’s not smiling now. His mouth is slightly open. Right before he puts his fingers inside me he bends down and lightly kisses me… I feel my pussy start to throb so hard that it almost hurts. I want him so bad…
When he slides his fingers inside my [now] dripping wet pussy he puts his tongue in my mouth and starts to passionately kiss me… this dude is driving me crazy. All of a sudden his hand and cups then squeezes my ass, then glides down so that it is behind my knee… He lifts up my leg and wrapped my leg around him so that it is anchored behind his leg. He then takes his two fingers and slowly enters me… then starts to hit my g-spot slow and hard. I can’t kiss him now… I’m too busy moaning and trying desperately to catch my breath. My hands are over him, wildly exploring his body… I notice his shirt is off… when did that happen?? I unbutton his jeans and pull them down as much as I could. I then take both my hands pull his dick out through is boxers. His dick feels like a piece of steel in my hands [biting my lip]. I’m getting so wet… I need it… I start to slide down the wall to get better access to his dick.
‘Wait’… he says.
What?! I say with my eyes… Whhhy? I say with my face and body. He slightly giggles… he is amused by my pain. The look of amusement quickly leaves his face and instead a slight sexy smile appears. I want to look those lips…
He takes both my hands and puts them over my head and cuffs them with one of his large hands. All the while looking at me straight in my eyes… damn this man is sexy. I’m looking at him… and I know that any minute I am going to break free of his hold and jump on his dick… the anticipation is fucking killing me.
He takes his tongue and licks my lips very, very slowly and then sticks it out… I eagerly take into my mouth and gently suck it. I begin to gasp for breath and body feels like its on fire… I cum… all over him, all over me.
He takes his fingers out of me and brings them to my lips to lick – which I do. He bites his lip and passionately kisses me. He lets me go and then backs up to take off his jeans socks and shoes. I rip of my tank top and boy shorts… so eager to have him inside of me.
He leads me to the couch where he sits with his legs spread open and his rock hard dick sticking straight up in the air mmmm [licking my lips]. He puts me on his lap and pulls me close… he starts to lick my nipples and play with my throbbing pussy. I feel like I have my heart between my fucking legs… and it is racing. I can barely catch my breath.
‘Wait’ I said… biting my lips and now sweating.
I back up so that I can position myself in front of him on the floor. As I lower myself I rub my face down his chest and dick, lightly kissing the head before I’m all the way to the floor. I sit up on my knees and look at him… I start to smile a little.
‘Feed it to me…’ I tell him; and stick my tongue out, and wait to be fed.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Pussies, Vaginas, and Cunts 2: The Reawankening
Let me return to a subject I posted about something like three posts ago: the words “pussy” “vagina” and “cunt.” “Oh joy!” you may be crying out as you gasm in your pants.
Nay friends, be weary, hold thy gasm for greater times of honor. Tis a weblog post made in thy own honor, for I am a whore of attention. Tis fact that the tags “pussy” “cunt” and “vagina” hath borne the responsibility for over half of thy page hits. Thy find it amusing.
What I’m getting at – people come to my blog most because they want to see a cunt. I guess they get what they ask for, metaphorically speaking. This whole thing you are reading is an excuse to get people to read my awesome shit.
So, new friends, bookmark the main page (http://vampiresdontlikeonions.wordpress.com), wank, and then come back here and read how awesome my shit is. And then subscribe by e-mail on the right side. Hopefully Jay Leno hasn’t taken over the blog by then, in which case, nevermind.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Vera Vision—The Hired Help, Pt. III
Mike was Melanie’s senior by 10 years. They never really got to know each other on a personal level other than professional. But it never stopped the friendly camaraderie between the two. They were very polite and made small chatter whenever they ran across each other. No sexual tension, no flirting—strictly platonic. Until that one fateful afternoon, then it all went out the window. And Melanie couldn’t have been happier. On the radio, there is a popular song called “I Invented Sex” by Trey Songz. Melanie always thought the song was kinda silly and never really paid it too much attention. But she had to admit, she thought about the song a lot when Mike was moving inside of her. It was almost as if he knew how to make her cum and he barely kissed her neck. He guided her up and down on his shaft and talked dirty to her to encourage her orgasm. Melanie was in orgasmic heaven and didn’t want to come down anytime soon.
Mike’s cock was about seven inches long and about an inch-and-a-half wide. Melanie was snuggly wrapped around his cock and her muscles gripped him with every movement. He was more than a skilled lover; he was the Messiah of Fucking. And Melanie didn’t mind being a parishioner at his church anytime. Mike knew Melanie was nervous and didn’t pressure to do anything uncomfortable. But Melanie was game. She was nervous as all hell. It was one thing to occasionally wonder what someone would be like in bed; it was another thing to actually experience it. Mike was thick, powerful, and definitely knew had to use it. He teased Melanie with his cock by only inserting a couple inches at a time and quickly pulling it out. All that porn he’s watched, Melanie silently huffed. But her cynicism turned into heavy panting and loud moaning as Mike increased his pace and began to give her a good fucking. Playtime was over.
He gathered her legs and pulled Melanie toward the foot of the bed. Mike then gently nudged her legs open and kissed her inner thighs. He stopped only briefly to inhale her scent. He closed his eyes and let the aroma take over his senses. My, how appetizing she smelled. He carefully inserted an index finger inside her wet snatch; her moans indicated she wasn’t a virgin but her tightness revealed she hadn’t had too many partners. Mike instantly knew he had to be extra careful with her. He wanted her to moan in pleasure, not scream in pain. He removed his finger and replaced it with his tongue. He licked her opening, lapping up her juices on his tongue before he moved to Melanie’s swollen clit. He began slowly, teasing her clit with his tongue. After a few seconds, Mike picked up speed and flicked his tongue back and forth on her nub as he held her thighs close together.
Meanwhile, Melanie was reaching new orgasmic heights. She’s been eaten out before but Mike was clearly a muff-diving expert. She tried to remain quiet but her body wouldn’t let her. Her legs began shaking and the all-too familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach. She clenched the sheets and rolled her back off the bed as she erupted in a loud cry. “Stop…stop…” She panted as she brushed Mike’s face away from her too-sore clit.
Mike got up and smiled. If he was an asshole, he could’ve just left her where she was. She was spent and probably had no energy to continue otherwise. But his cock was hard and aching for release. If he was going to fuck her, it was for his own good. Besides, his ego wouldn’t let her leave with just an amazing oral session. She needed to get fucked as well. Without looking, he reached behind him and grabbed a Magnum and quickly tore it open. He rolled the condom on his hard cock and spread Melanie’s legs again. She was still delirious from her orgasm to fully understand what was happening. She barely opened her eyes and saw Mike smirking back at her. “Hold on,” he suggested, “it’s going to be a bumpy ride.”
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
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Saturday, February 6, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
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